


An Old Friend

by BittyBlueEyes



Series: Eleven and His Rose [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Reunion Fic, Romance, post-journey's end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4405598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BittyBlueEyes/pseuds/BittyBlueEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is taking the Ponds on one last trip when something - or someone - bursts into the TARDIS. "She's an old friend. Her name is Rose." Reunion Fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is completely canon up through The Wedding of River Song. It has not been read by a beta reader because I'm too nervous to ask anyone. I hope it looks alright.
> 
> This story does have Eleven/River, which is really weird because it's not really my thing. It's a Doctor/Rose shipper's attempt to hold canon. Give it a try. The rest of the series is solely Doctor/Rose.

The Doctor took a deep breath, readjusted his bowtie and braces, and rapped smartly on the blue front door before him. Not just blue, mind, the door was "police box blue". It had been his doing for he knew his Amelia Pond would love it. Rory, dear Rory, couldn't have changed color if he'd wanted to. Amy would never let him.

The Doctor considered knocking again, but was, in truth, a tad anxious to be there in the first place. It would be nice to just return to the TARDIS but-

"Hello, Ponds!" The Doctor beamed at the couple in the open doorway with his arms wide in presentation of himself.

"Doctor?" Amy asked in surprise. "Finally decide to show your face again, did you?"

"Yes, I did. Now, grab your coats."

"Grab our coats?" Amy replied incredulously. "Doctor, it's June."

"Yes, I know. That's why I'm here. Still need coats."

"Rory, grab our coats," Amy ordered over her shoulder.

"Wait, no! Grab our coats? You haven't invited us anywhere. I thought you said you were done taking us with you. You don't just show up and tell us to grab our coats," Rory argued in disbelief. "Today happens to be kind of a special day..."

"Yes," the Doctor nodded exaggeratedly. "Your first anniversary is today. That's why I'm here."

"Aww," Amy cooed, "you remembered."

"No," the Doctor answered shamelessly. "I was picking up your daughter for a date and she reminded me that I'd failed to inform you that I'm indeed not dead. She then proceeded to remind me that I ruined Rory's stag night, missed your actual wedding, and set you up on the worst honeymoon ever. So, here we are." He paused a moment to gesture at the TARDIS where River could be seen peeking out the door. "We're taking you on a date."

"A date where?" Rory asked dubiously.

"If you're going to make such a big fuss of this, I could make formal invitations and come back next year," the Doctor offered.

"Rory," Amy growled.

"Fine, coats," Rory agreed as he reached into the closet.

"Good. Meet you in the TARDIS." The Doctor raced back to the ship and was caught by River as soon as he made it through the door.

"Thanks, sweetie. It means a lot to them." She smiled at him in adoration. "Amy was really hurt when she thought you were dead. The way her face lit up when I told her that you weren't... You owe this to her."

"Yes, which is why I'm doing it. Plus it will be fun," he agreed.

"What will be?" Amy asked as she entered with Rory.

"It's a surprise," the Doctor insisted.

"It's ice-skating," River answered.

"You ruined the surprise!" the Doctor cried in outrage.

"It wasn't supposed to be a surprise. Rory doesn't care for surprises... at least not yours. We're going to the planet Kur-Ha for an evening of ice-skating," River informed them. "There are a lot of mineral lakes that freeze up and have festivals. It'll be like the Frost Fair all over again."

"Except no Stevie Wonder," the Doctor reminded her.

" _You_ could sing a few bars though, couldn't you?" Amy teased the Doctor. "For the happy couple?"

"I dance, Pond, not sing," the Doctor objected. "Now, everyone in? All set? No more grouse from Rory? Let's go then."

"Why me? Why does he always pick on me?" Rory questioned.

"You're the most sensible. He doesn't do sensible," River smirked.

"I do, too!" the Doctor protested. "How can you say that I don't?"

"Watch the controls, sweetie. You're getting kind of close to the -"

"Oh, shut up," the Doctor muttered, cutting River off before she could announce that he nearly knocked them onto another course. That woman could be so distracting. "I'll have you know-"

The TARDIS jerked suddenly, spilling everyone but the Doctor onto the floor.

"Didn't I j-?"

"It wasn't me," the Doctor snapped before River could finish her snarky comment. "S-something hit my ship."

"If-"

"It wasn't me!" the Doctor cut River off again, swinging around the other side of the console in a panic. "Something hit the TARDIS. _Attacked_ the TARDIS. Something _blew a hole_ in my TARDIS!" The Doctor was frantic and outraged as he brought information up on the viewing screen. River darted up behind him to view over his shoulder when the power died.

"Oh, you can't be serious," Rory groaned. "Are we still in the vortex?"

"We're in space," the Doctor answered. "I'd give you coordinates if you cared. Personally, I don't. I want to know what broke my TARDIS."

"We're in the vacuum of space with a hole in the TARDIS which is without power?" Rory asked with concern.

"She's not without power; she's on backup power," the Doctor corrected as he began searching through a nearby chest.

"Where did it hit?" River asked with a quiver of concern in her voice.

"Burst into the Zero Room, by the looks of it. Well, I say by the looks of it, but it's more like the lack of it. The zero room doesn't show up on architectural configuration indicators. Something definitely burst in, but- "

"I thought you jettisoned the Zero Room centuries ago," she reminded him. "Twice."

"Yes, well, when the TARDIS rebuilt herself she made a new one. She didn't exactly appreciate that my last regeneration blew apart her console room," he explained as he tossed a set of torches to Rory and Amy.

"Well, that's good," River replied optimistically, breathing a little easier. "The Zero Room is capable of containing the force of regeneration. It could surely keep whatever it is from breaking further in."

"We can hope," the Doctor spoke quietly as he tossed a torch to River and shed his tweed jacket. "But breaking through the outer shields and _into_ the Zero Room... I don't like this."

"But what could do that?" Amy worried. "What could break through the TARDIS's defenses?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," the Doctor grumbled as he rolled up his sleeves and flipped the switch on his torch. "Come along, Ponds."

The Doctor's steps were light and quick, but not rushed. But for the stiff set of his shoulders and the crease in his brow, he appeared unperturbed.

"Doctor, what exactly is in the Zero Room?" Amy asked as she followed him around yet another corner. "Did this thing that broke-?"

"Now's not the time, Amy," he replied quietly. "Eyes and ears open."

The Doctor stopped outside a vault-like circular door and paused a moment before stepping in. The room was large and dome-shaped with pinkish grey walls and was completely empty, making the gaping holes in the ceiling and floor quite easy to see.

"It's empty," Rory observed.

"Yes, it's always empty," the Doctor whispered offhandedly.

Amy stepped forward slowly and stared through the hole in the ceiling at the stars of open space. "If power fails completely, we're being sucked out, aren't we?"

"Power's not going to fail," River reassured her.

"This isn't possible..." the Doctor blinked in utter confusion as his eyes moved from one hole to the other. "It's... It's just not possible. This is the Zero Room. It's like a pocket dimension. Things can't just go in and out. You don't smash into and _through_ the TARDIS."

"Well, something did," Rory remarked. He was on his knees, crawling closer to the hole in the floor so that he could see down. "It's the swimming pool. Well, _was_..."

"What do you mean 'was'?" The Doctor strode forward and saw that whatever had broken through the Zero Room, proceeded through the pool and into the next room, taking the water with it.

"Oh no, I see books in the next room. Is it the library again?" Amy wondered aloud.

"No, the library was moved away from the pool to prevent that from happening again. I think that's River's room. Whatever it is, it went through it as well," the Doctor announced as he squinted harder, following the path of the torch lights with his beady eyes.

"What?!" River shrieked in dismay.

"And into the next room, which would put it..." the Doctor muttered to himself, his eyes staring up at nothing in particular as he did calculations in his head. "Oh, no."

The Doctor leapt to his feet and rushed through the hallways, his companions scrambling to their feet and racing after him.

"What is it, Doctor?!" Amy shouted as she struggled to catch up to him.

"Old control room! Whatever it is, it's in the old control room!" the Doctor roared.

The Doctor did not pause this time as he met his destination. He threw open the door and looked around wildly. Waves of memories washed over him as he stared up at the blue glowing column in the center of the control console and the empty jump seat at its side.

"This... we've been here before," Rory commented. "I thought that planet thing, House, deleted-"

"Shh!" the Doctor snapped. "One hole, Rory. Whatever it is, it's here. Or... not?"

He walked a circle around the room with a look of utter perplexity. There was nothing but a hole in the wall.

"B-but Doctor," Amy started tentatively. "The hole is in the wall, not the ceiling."

"You still think side to side," the Doctor answered slowly as he approached the gaping hole in the side of the room. "All lefts and rights in the hallways, yet we traveled four levels _down_. This hole in the wall, is River's bedroom floor. And it was the pool floor was against her other wall, as you can see by the evidence of water everywhere." The Doctor splashed lightly in the few centimeters of water that lined the floor.

"I know you want me to pout about it, but I won't," River declared loftily. "I'm more intrigued by this place. This was your last control room?"

"Yes."

"Rather dim and depressing," she said as she went to poke the tired, stained chair.

"I prefer 'organic'. And the blue is mood lighting," the Doctor said defensively. "Now stop insulting my past and let's find-"

"Doctor," Amy said uncertainly. "What's wrong with this wall? It's... It's like paper thin."

"What?" The Doctor stepped down from the metal grate floor and made his way up to the gap again, inspecting it closer. "This definitely isn't right... And... And there's no debris. Why didn't I notice that? All the holes and no rubble. Just water."

"Oh God! It's a hand!" Rory cried in shock. "Doctor, there's a hand! I-It's a person!"

"What?!" River turned on the spot and her eyes followed his down through the grate metal flooring. Before the Doctor and Amy had even made it across the room, Rory and River had the flooring ripped up and Rory was checking for a pulse. "How did she get under here?"

"The flooring's raised," Rory answered, looking around from where he knelt with the girl's body draped over his lap. "She must have rolled under here from the momentum."

"A girl," River spoke in bewilderment. "Just a girl? A human body burst through four levels of the TARDIS? How-?"

"She's alive!" Rory exclaimed. "She-she's not... We have to get her to the infirmary. Doctor?"

The Doctor stood frozen in shock, becoming pale as he stared at the blood and water dripping from the young woman's blond hair.

"Doctor, do you know her?" Amy asked worriedly.

"Doctor!" Rory shouted to get his attention. "She's alive, but I don't know-"

"Infirmary," the Doctor whispered hoarsely to himself. He shook his head to clear his daze and swiftly scooped the girl's limp body into his arms, the wetness of her clothes immediately soaking into his.

"Doctor, she has-" River held up a black rucksack and the Doctor cut her off there.

"Rory, take the bag and follow me. Don't look in it. And careful with it!" the Doctor's words turned into shouts as he was halfway down the corridor by the time he finished speaking. Rory snatched the bag out of River's slack grip and took off after the Doctor. River and Amy followed immediately behind.

"River!" The Doctor shouted over his shoulder as they returned to the control room. "I'm going to need power, do you think you can get her going?"

"Of course, but, Doctor, who is she?" River asked.

"Her name is Rose."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is MUCH longer than the last and will be much longer than the following chapters. I thought of splitting it somewhere, but just couldn't find a place I liked. 
> 
> I said before that the story is canon up through The Wedding of River Song, but I think that I should add that I consider the deleted scene in Journey's End to be canon. The Doctor did give the Meta-Crisis Doctor the piece of TARDIS to grow his own.

The Doctor stood at Rose's bedside and scanned her body with his sonic screwdriver for a third time, staring at the results in utter disbelief. With torch in hand again, he lifted the small patch of gauze on her forehead to examine the small laceration at the peak of a swollen lump. That couldn't possibly be extent of her injuries...

His knuckles brushed over her cheek as he pondered her and her return to the TARDIS. He could think of it as nothing but surreal. With a sigh, he lifted the loose sleeve of the hospital gown he'd dressed her in, tied a tourniquet around her upper arm, and slowly brought a needle to the inside of her elbow.

Rose's eyes immediately flew open and her hands began tearing at his and the tourniquet's slip knot in a frenzied panic.

"Stop! Get off me!" she protested.

"No, Rose. Rose. Rose, it's okay," the Doctor held up his hands, dropped the needle on the floor, and helplessly pleaded for her to calm down. "Rose, it's me."

"Doctor?" she rasped through quick shallow breaths.

"Yes," he answered breathlessly.

The tiniest of smiles twitched at the corner of her mouth and she dropped her aching head back onto the pillow with her eyes closed. Tears slipped from her sealed lids, drawing tiny rivulets down the sides of her face toward her ears. "I made it."

"No, no, no. No tears," the Doctor whispered, quickly wiping them away. "Tears are for goodbyes. You don't greet someone with tears. Just hello or... or…"

"Hello," Rose choked out on a tearful chuckle.

"Yes, hello." The Doctor wiped another tear from her cheek. Despite his admonishment, the tears didn't seem to stop. "Rose, what...? Are you...? You..."

His mind was moving too quickly to be able to form a proper question. He had so many questions that he wasn't sure where to start. "Are you hurt? My scan says that you've got nothing more than a minor concussion, but... but you... Are you hurt?"

"Just sore," she answered.

"Just sore? Your body just careened through four levels of the TARDIS. I don't understand how you're alive. Just sore?"

Rose brought a hand up to her throbbing head and the Doctor quickly brought it back down. "You've got a cut on your head. The sealant hasn't finished drying, so you can't touch it yet. I know it hurts, but I haven't given you anything for pain yet. I was just going to insert an IV line-"

"No. No needles. No tests.” Rose's voice was weak and her brow was creased in what the Doctor assumed was pain. "Simple pain reliever. Nothing more."

"My scanners aren't up. I'm still not sure of the full extent of your injuries. I want to insert an IV in case-"

"No. No needles. No tests. Just oral pain medicine. Please."

"Rose," the Doctor leaned over her and cupped her face until she opened her eyes and looked into his. "I'm scared. This doesn't make sense to me. You can't expect me to just stand here helplessly."

Another small smile crossed her lips and her eyes closed. "No," she replied with tears returning and a slightly larger smile. "I expect you to very grudgingly comply, insist that I rest, and return to the console to check the status of the TARDIS's repairs."

"Rose..."

The lights flickered on, illuminating the room, and Rose squeezed her eyes shut tighter against the brightness. The Doctor sighed and retrieved two small bottles from a nearby cupboard. "I guess this is the part where I comply, quite grudgingly, as you said. Only, I insist that along with pain medicine, you take something to speed recovery."

Rose nodded in agreement.

The Doctor sighed heavily again and shook himself from his troubled state the moment his eyes began to sting. "Rest. That's your part of the bargain. I'll be back soon and we'll... we'll talk."

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck and slowly exited the room, closing the door behind him. Amy and Rory stood outside the door with impatient looks on their faces.

"How is she? Is she alright?" Rory hurried.

"Yes. Yes. She's miraculously unharmed, or relatively unharmed. No broken bones or internal bleeding, just a bump on the head."

"H-how is that possible? She-"

"How is it possible that she's here at all?" the Doctor countered.

"Yeah," Amy agreed. "But who is she even? You know her?"

"Yes," the Doctor's eyes were distant and his voice stoic. "She's a friend. A dear friend that I lost a very long time ago."

"Lost? Lost how?" Amy probed.

"Well, these things - adventures - don't always go as planned. She... She made a very brave decision once - far more than once. She was very brave. But she ended up in a parallel universe. The cracks sealed before I... It's a very long story, but I... I never thought I'd get to see her again."

"Why is she here? Did something happen? Is something wrong?" Amy worried.

"Oh, I hope not..." the Doctor frowned. "I'll talk to her after she rests a bit. I'm going to go see how River's coming along. Rory, do you think you could do me the favor of looking after her?"

"Of course," Rory quickly agreed.

"She's just had something for pain and accelerated healing, but she's very insistent that we don't treat her beyond that."

"You mean she's awake?" Rory's eyes widened in surprise.

"Was. She should be sleeping now. If she wakes, give her anything she asks for."

Rory nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"Good. Thank you. Now, Amy, let's see what's going on in the control room."

 

* * *

 

 

"So how is she?" the Doctor asked as he strolled into the control room.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," River remarked, trying to gauge the situation by the Doctor's mannerisms. His stoicism made it impossible to tell.

"Yes, but I asked you first," came his reply.

"Well, her power is completely restored. There really wasn't much damage, so I don't know why there was trouble with the power at all. She's repairing all the damage herself as we speak. Speaking of that, though, I took a piece from the hole in the other control room. I thought you might like to see it. We compared it to paper, but it's more like rubber, very thin rubber."

The Doctor took the small swatch from River and examined it curiously. One side was the texture and color of the carpet in River's room and the other was metallic in feel and shine, yet it was altogether more similar to a latex balloon.

"Your turn. How is the girl?" River worried.

"Fine," he answered simply as he stretched the piece of TARDIS wall, testing its elasticity.

"Fine? What do you mean-?"

"Near perfect health. Just a bump on the head," he answered in a flat, steady tone.

"How is that possible?" she asked incredulously.

"Don’t know."

"You know her. Who is she?"

"An old friend. Her name is Rose. Rose Tyler. She travelled with me a long time ago." The Doctor held the material in front of his face and pulled it apart until it snapped in two.

"That's it? She's fine and her name is Rose Tyler? That's all you're going to tell us?" River snipped sardonically.

"Sorry, I'm a bit distracted," he apologized quietly. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a look at those repairs, see if I can work out anything else."

River and Amy watched the Doctor leave in stunned silence.

"This is really getting to him," Amy said as she leaned against the console, her brow furrowed in concern. "I haven't seen him this since I forgot Rory."

"No, not since he found out you'd been taken," River corrected.

"She must mean a lot to him then. You don't know anything about her?"

"The Doctor very rarely reveals anything about his past. I've heard him say her name before. He does that sometimes. He'll look at something, chuckle, and very softly whisper a name. Donna. Sarah-Jane. Rose. Perhaps Rose more than others."

"But he never talks about them?"

"Sometimes, but rarely. Even then, it's usually that he and so-and-so once did something similar to whatever we're doing. Not Rose for that though. He's never talked about her. But..." A far off look washed over River and sadness fell into place as a small memory rushed forth. "This once... You see, the Doctor tries to be suave when he breaks me out for a date. He's made it a tradition to bring me a flower. Once while we were out, I bought myself a red rose and asked why he never brought me one of those. They're supposed to be the most romantic. He told me he never would. 'Roses are sad.' The night was over almost as soon as it started. Oh Lord, he's in love with her..." River dropped her face into her hands in utter dismay.

"Hey, you don't know that." Amy quickly placed a comforting hand on River's back. "The Doctor's hard to read. We just decided that he looked that upset about me and Rory, but he's not in love with us. It was guilt. He felt guilty. It's probably the same with this girl, Rose. He told me and Rory that he lost her and never thought he'd see her again. She was stuck in a parallel universe or something."

River gave a small nod and a forced smile. "I know it's selfish, but I hope that's all."

"Yeah..." Amy replied, unsure of what else to say.

"Speaking of Rory, where is he?"

"Doctor asked him to watch over Rose. You know, I don't know about you, but I think my curiosity's getting the better of me. Wanna go have a peek at her?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

 

* * *

 

Rose startled suddenly at the light touch of cloth against her neck and Rory nearly jump out of his skin in shock.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry," he apologized profusely. "I thought you were asleep more soundly than that. I was just dabbing the water off... I-I didn't mean to wake you. I-"

 Rose was speechless and blinked up at the unknown man in apprehension.

"I-I'm Rory. The Doctor asked me to look after you. I-I'm a nurse," he explained.

A smile slowly grew over Rose's face as the man stammered and she laughed when he finished. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I swear. I just used to tell the Doctor that 'every good doctor needs a good nurse'. Looks like he listened."

"Good nurses don't usually wake patients when they're supposed to be sleeping."

"I wasn't really sleeping. Just somewhere between awake and asleep, I think."

"Well, you probably should try... but no, you probably shouldn't if you have a concussion. What was the Doctor thinking? And I'm starting to ramble again. Can I get you anything? Are you feeling alright?"

"No, I think I'm alright. Just... why is my hair wet?"

"Oh, you crashed into the swimming pool. Well, _through_ the swimming pool, actually."

"Oh, right..."

"Wait, you were awake through that?"

"Hard not to be. It was a short trip. Long time coming, but almost instant once I got to it. Last thing I saw was the console."

"Yeah, that's where you ended up: the old control room."

" _Old_ control room... Yeah, I suppose a lot of things I remember are old now," she lamented.

"You say it was a short trip, but the Doctor said you were from a parallel world. How does that work?"

"Complicated. Very complicated. What about you though? Where are you from?"

"England. Leadworth."

"Sorry, but... which one?"

"Which-? Oh! Which England? Right, I forget that's optional with the Doctor. Earth. 2011."

"Oh, I'm from around there. London 2005 is where I met the Doctor," she said with a bright smile.

"A-and where was it you ended up?" Rory asked apprehensively.

"Oh... well, that's a bit trickier, isn't it? Erm... I guess... The last time I saw the Doctor was in the parallel universe. We started calling it Pete's World. So, Dårlig Ulv-Stranden in Norway in 2010. Though for this universe it was just 2009. Complicated," she repeated.

"Wow, that really wasn't that long ago then, was it?" Rory said in surprise.

"The perception of time for the Doctor and those who travel with him is far different than the rest of the universe," she reminded him.

"Right, sorry."

"My bag!" Rose cried suddenly, quickly propping herself up on her elbows.

"Oh, we got it. It's here, beside the bed," Rory answered quickly. "It's wet though, is that bad?"

"No... No, it's fine," she answered, slowly laying back down. She stopped just short of her head touching the pillow when she caught a glimpse of red hair over Rory's shoulder. She leaned to the side and saw two women standing in the doorway.

"Sorry," Amy apologized when she realized they'd been caught. She started over toward the bed and River followed a few steps behind. "We shouldn't have been listening in, but we couldn't help it. I'm Amy, Rory's wife, and this is River."

"Professor River Song?" Rose's eyes widened.

"You know me?" River's eyes narrowed with suspicion and uncertainty.

"Er, sorry, no. I-I... the name. I've heard of you," Rose answered uncomfortably.

"From the Doctor?" River probed.

"Er... no. Maybe, sort of." Rose greatly regretted mentioning anything at all. There were far too many things to explain and she wasn't ready to explain it to anyone but the Doctor.

"Complicated?" River said with a distrustful edge to her voice.

"Yeah," Rose answered quietly.

"Hey, we don't mean to upset you. We're just wondering who you are, is all. The Doctor hasn't really told us much," Amy explained.

"And there are likely good reasons for it." The Doctor's voice shocked the room into silence and they stared at him as he leaned against the doorjamb. "This was one of the reasons I asked the Centurion to watch over Rose, so that he might protect her from the nosy females."

"Bad logic on your part," River piped in. "The Centurion's loyalty has always been to Amy."

"Yes, I can see I was mistaken as he's allowing you to give Rose the third degree," the Doctor said angrily.

Rory opened his mouth to defend himself but Rose spoke first. "It's okay, Doctor. They're okay."

"No, it's not, because it's none of their business. I get to talk to you first," he said firmly. "Everyone else out."

"Doctor," Amy started in an apologetic voice.

"Not now, Pond."

Amy bowed her head and slowly made her way to the door, pulling Rory behind her. River stood in the door frame for a few moments longer before closing the door behind her.

Alone once again, the Doctor sat down on the side of Rose's bed, staring into her brown eyes with so many questions in the depths of his own. She had felt at ease for a few minutes while talking to Rory, but alone once again with the Doctor, real life came flooding back to her.

"You look younger again," she said quietly, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Rose," the Doctor asked anxiously, "why are you here?"

There was a pause and then the dam broke suddenly. Tears began streaming down Rose's cheeks. "I don't know. I just didn't know where else to go," she wept helplessly.

"Oh no, Rose, don't cry. You know it destroys me to see you cry," the Doctor frowned. "Just... what happened? Where's... the other me? What...? Oh, just please don't cry."

Rose covered her face with her hands and pressed her fingers against the closed lids in effort to stem the flow, breathing deeply and slowly as she tried hard to regain composure.

"How long has it been for you?" she asked with a strained voice. "How long since you left us there?"

The Doctor swallowed hard and averted his eyes. "Two hundred years... give or take."

A laugh burst forth from Rose and she clapped her hand over her mouth, tears still present but stationary. "You're such a liar."

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"I have on good authority that it's between sixty and seventy." Hard though it was, Rose looked smug through her persistent tears.

"And just who is this authority?" the Doctor wondered suspiciously.

"One step at a time," Rose admonished. "How long?"

"Sixty-eight. Sixty-eight years."

"Now ask me."

The Doctor's brow furrowed in confusion and concern. "How long?"

"Thirty-three years," Rose choked up again. "What happened to my Doctor? I-I outlived him."

Rose dissolved into tears again, no longer able to keep them at bay.

"Rose..." The Doctor was speechless, his hearts falling out of sync for a skip. "Y-you haven't aged?"

She shook her head violently in response, hardly able to breathe, let alone speak.

"But... I-I don't... Rose..." He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to pull his thoughts together. It was useless. His mind didn't seem able to comprehend a single thing. "H-how? When? What?"

"We didn't know... not at first. We got married after only a few months." Rose paused as she looked down at the ring on her left hand. The ring looked worn on her youthful hand. "He took my name. Said he couldn't stand the thought of giving me the name 'Smith'. It wasn't real. 'Tyler' he said was real. Doctor John Tyler. Of course, everyone that knew him used his 'nickname' of 'Doctor'. We worked for Torchwood together and he was brilliant. He was always brilliant... in everything. We travelled often - natural sights and so many museums. He loved discovering all the differences between Pete's World and this one.

"People often told me I still looked so young, but we really didn't think anything of it. Not until nearly six years in. We-" Rose choked on the memory and the Doctor took her hand in his. "W-we were pregnant. Baby boy. I insisted on the name Jack, but he insisted just as firmly on 'anything but Jack'. The nursery was painted... But there were complications. Placental abruption. The baby was in distress and I was bleeding and we were on holiday, so far from a hospital. The baby and I were both in bad shape by the time paramedics got to us. And then it happened..." Rose's voice was unsteady, but she pushed through it. "Regeneration started. I could feel it. It was rising off of me. We were all terrified - the paramedics... Doctor... me most, I think. It burned and I didn't know what to do. Didn't know what I was doing... In my fear, I ended up pushing the energy into my unborn baby. My regeneration stopped and my baby was dead. I was fine... but my baby was dead."

"Oh Rose!" the Doctor despaired.

"I worked for Torchwood. The responses of my friends and co-workers..." Rose shook her head and bit down the angry insults that were burning in her heart. "Torchwood was outraged and thrilled and terrified and so many crazy, crazy things. I was taken into custody only hours after losing Jack. Balances of power changed only hours after the incident and I was taken away to be tested. The ripped me away from my Doctor and I never got to bury my baby. They tested my blood and DNA. They tested my endurance, pain tolerance... God, just _everything_. Pushing just to see how much I could take before the first sign of regeneration. Then they'd stop."

Rose looked up from her ring to find silent tears in the Doctor's eyes.

"It took him forty-three days to get to me - my Doctor. He hardly slept and gave it everything he had to find me. I mean, he was just a man. No TARDIS, no sonic screwdriver, just a man looking for his wife. And he had to be careful himself, you know. He was still part Time Lord. He was lucky he got away before they thought to test him too. When he found me, he destroyed it. The entire building and everything... everyone in it. All the computers, charts, and tests. And then we ran. He did his own tests on me, _gently_." Rose's dark eyes glistened as she let them meet the Doctor's again. "Bad Wolf. It was the Bad Wolf. It changed my DNA when I absorbed the time vortex. I didn't even remember it. You had to tell me what the Bad Wolf was, remember? He called me 'human plus'. Instead of two strands of DNA, I have three."

"How did I not know this?" The Doctor's voice was tight and upon speaking, a single pair of tears sprang free. "How did I not...? Rose, I..."

"It's not something you look for, Doctor. Only two strands of my DNA are visible on non-temporally aligned scanners. How often do you use temporal scanners on friends?" she asked with a small, reassuring smile. "We were okay after that. We didn't stop moving for nearly three years, but then finally settled in South America. A cozy cabin in the mountains that overlooked Lake Titicaca on the border of Bolivia and Peru. It was gorgeous and quiet. Of course, the Doctor had reasons for the location...

"The moment he realized that I wasn't going to age or die, he decided that I had to go back to you. And that's what he did. He set about a way to make it back here without putting a crack in the universe. It took him years, but he did."

"How? You have to go through and you can't go through without making a hole," the Doctor quietly argued. At the moment, he didn't even care if she had shattered it to get back to him, but the puzzle was maddening. He'd puzzled over it for years himself. Not in dedicated study, but from time to time it would always work its way back into his thoughts.

"I spent years poring over the maths and diagrams with him, but I still don't really understand. The easiest way he put it was a balloon and a needle. Try to push a needle through a balloon and it will pop. But if you find the right place, with just the right give, a needle can easily slide right through. And with the right charge, the hole will seal itself."

"How long did it take him?" The Doctor asked, his face still marred with a frown.

"Six years to fully complete it, but he still tacked on another three to make sure he had perfected it. He... He said those three years were to perfect it, but I know better. He didn't really want me to leave yet. It was ridiculous that he thought I would. I loved him with all that I was and all that I had. I promised him 'til death do us part' and I meant it. It's been ten days since that day. His death certificate read sixty-seven, but he was still really fit. We knew he was dying. His heart had started giving out years before and his immune system was starting to fail. It didn't make it hurt any less.

"My baby brother, Tony... I love to call him my baby brother still because he looks so much older. He's thirty-five and I still look twenty-ish... though I like to claim more like twenty-four. But yeah, he came out and helped me cremate my Doctor and we scattered his ashes on the lake, well, except..." Rose fiddled with a lace around her neck where a tiny bead housed just a pinch of ash.

"Tony went home and I just sat in the cabin, mulling it all over. The Doctor told me not to wait. He told me to go find you as soon as he was gone, but... I didn't have any idea what to say. I... He expects you to look after me. He blames himself for the way I am, and by extension, that means you. He feels you should be responsible for me, but I want to make it clear right now, Doctor: Bad Wolf was me. I'm the way I am now because of a choice that _I_ made. I don't expect anything from you. I only came because... because..." Rose's throat felt like it was nearly swelled shut from the effort of restraining herself. "I wanted comfort. Just a hug from someone who understands." Her restraint broke completely and her body shook with heavy sobs, her words slipping out wherever should could fit them. "I lost everything. I'm all on my own. Never aging. Watching them all grow while I stay the same. And they all wither and they all die. Mum died five years ago to cancer. Pete, last year. My doctor... I can't have friends. I can't even talk to people in the market because eventually someone in town will realize that I don't age. I have two nieces that I've never met because my brother can't tell anyone about me. No one even has pictures of me. No one but my brother even knew I existed. I just... I don't want to live anymore... It just hurts... all the time..."

"Rose Tyler, I never want to hear you say those words again," the Doctor whispered in her ear. At some point in her complete emotional collapse, he had taken her into his arms and was holding her tightly against his chest. "It does hurt. It's a terrible, terrible hurt, but it doesn't hurt all the time. I promise. There is so much worth living for."

"I know, but I lived for him for so long..." Rose wept against him. "I lost everything. It's like starting all over again. I don't... I don't know what to do anymore."

"Run," the Doctor answered. "When stopping hurts, you just don't stop; you keep going. When you feel like there's nothing left, you throw yourself into the universe and find out just how much there really is. When the pain feels enormous, go find something that makes you and your existence feel tiny. When you can't fix your own pain, go ease someone else's. And that's what we'll do, Rose. We'll run."

Rose shook her head vehemently. "You don't have to, Doctor. I really didn't come here for you to fix me. I... I..."

"You came because the Doctor... _your_ Doctor wanted you to. He knew me, _was_ me. And he knew that you are so precious to me. Now that you're here, Rose, now that you've told me, it would destroy me if you didn't stay here with me. I do know. Oh heavens, Rose, I _know_ the pain. And we are going to fix it. We will. You'll see again that life is beautiful. So beautiful." The Doctor pulled her back and gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "Please, Rose, let me show you."

Rose smiled through the tears and nodded. He Doctor wiped her tears once more.

"Tears have their place, but I have a feeling you've had plenty lately and I'm going to ask you to stop for a little while because you need some smiles. So... Rose Tyler, how do you feel about ice skating?"

"Haven't been in ages," she answered.

"Not the question I had asked, but I'll go ahead and assume that means you like it and you're in," the Doctor said brightly as he got to his feet. Rose saw the happiness in his smile and the sadness in his eyes. 'Just keep smiling until you feel it,' was the vibe he always gave off. She was about to give it a try herself.

"I'm in."

"Good, because I already told Amy and Rory I'm taking them there for their anniversary. They haven't travelled with me for months, you see. This is just a little date thing that River cooked up for them. And I'm rambling. I do that. You're always free to stop me from doing that because I really never know where I'm going with it when I start and I could seriously go on forever if given the chance. Though I'm never really given-"

"Doctor," Rose interrupted.

"Right. Thank you. Now... dressing gown. You need clothes, but we're not going to find them in here, so first step is a dressing gown." The Doctor pulled a fluffy white dressing gown from a shelf and handed it to her.

"What should I do with my bag?" Rose asked.

"I'm not sure. What's in it?"

"A big piece of the puzzle you're working on," she answered with a self-satisfied curve upon her lips. "Care for a peek?"

Without waiting for him to respond, Rose lifted the heavy black backpack onto the bed and unzipped it. Unable to contain his curiosity, the Doctor was instantly at her side. His eyes popped and his mouth hung open as he looked into the bag.

"It's... oh, it's beautiful!" he breathed in awe. "Donna's advice worked then, did it? Grow your own TARDIS."

"Yes, she's growing beautifully," Rose agreed, gently stroking the rough coral with her index finger. "Not at the speed Donna had come up with because we didn't have those capabilities, but still twenty-six times natural speed."

"May I?" the Doctor asked tentatively.

"Not as she is," Rose answered apologetically. "She's still plugged into-"

"Oh!" he cried in excitement. "The puzzle! Your Doctor... Oh, wow! He's genius. Absolutely brilliant!"

"You see it now?" Rose beamed.

"Mother TARDIS and Baby TARDIS. This device here starts you off, but your Baby TARDIS helps you find your location."

"More like sisters," Rose corrected. "And it's the Big Sister that does most of the work. Little Sister cries out-"

"And Big Sister pulls her in almost magnetically! You didn't _crash_ into the TARDIS, you were welcomed! Ha!" the Doctor clapped his hands in excitement. "That is brilliant. This is your 'good authority' is it?  Oh, I can't wait to have a good look at this later."

"Back to my question: what do I do with my bag?"

"Let me hold her for you. We'll take care of her properly after ice skating." The Doctor zipped the bag back up and slipped the straps over his shoulders so that the bag was in front of him, his arms crossing around to cradle it like a baby. "Next stop - the console."

Rose threw the dressing gown on over the basic hospital gown she was wearing and tied the sash tight. After a casual flip of her damp hair, she nodded to him and he led the way back to the control room.

 

* * *

 

Rose stopped short and gaped when they came upon the three-level control room. It was so much bigger, brighter, and flashier than she had ever imagined it.

"Th-this is the control room?" she breathed in a stunned stupor. "Oh, it's incredible. Absolutely beautiful. Not that I would have changed a thing with the old control room-"

"Oh, I would've," Amy interrupted. "The other was so... dark and creepy."

Rose was startled when she noticed that Amy and Rory were standing on a staircase to her right. There were so many staircases...

"Oh no, I loved it," Rose spoke ardently. "It was the TARDIS as she really was - a bit of metal, a bit of coral, and the console - her heart- right at the center of it. This... This is showing off. It’s like the ol' girl stepped into a pricey ball gown. It's... just wow."

"I know," the Doctor beamed proudly, as he leaned up against the console itself.

"Oh, you can quit preening over there you proud peacock. You can't have had anything to do with this design. It's far too Spock for you."

"Spock," he muttered with a sour pucker as he pulled the view screen towards him. "You and your Spock..."

"Spock? Is that in reference to Star Trek?" Rory asked.

"Yeah, sort of," Rose answered. "It's an old joke with us. See, when I first met him, he was pretty set in his ways. He was the Doctor and I was just along for the ride. Well, we showed up in London WWII lookin' for a spaceship and I asked him why he didn't do something Spock-like and scan for alien tech. He insisted that we just ask people. So while he's off asking people, I get found by someone else who _was_ scanning for alien technology - in that time period, that meant my phone and watch. I didn't know what I was doing and had to bluff my way through. Couldn't hand out the name 'Doctor' so I called him 'Mr. Spock'."

"He still calls me that, you know," the Doctor butt in, obviously quite displeased by it. "Well, he introduced me that way to one of his 'friends'."

"You saw Jack?" Rose asked excitedly.

"Not now," he dismissed her as he continued his search on the console monitor.

"Anyway, that's not the funniest part. Not to me, anyway," Rose continued. "He was all about showing me that it's about people. In all of time and space, with all the gadgets, games, and fun, what's really important is people. And then he regenerates... new doctor. Well, not _this_ Doctor, "she gestured to the man at the console. "This is the new, new doctor. Not my first doctor, not _this_ one - the one between. He was more energetic than the last, still rude, and maybe a little spazzy..."

"I'm standing right here, Rose," the Doctor reminded her. She smiled in return and waggled her fingers in a small wave.

"The new Doctor was all about his little gadgets and scanning everything he could with his sonic. We physically came to a dead end once and he looked to me and asked, 'now what?' and I suggested we go talk to the neighbors and he called me domestic! As an insult! When it's what he would have started with in the past."

"I said, 'That's what I like about you - the domestic approach.' And I never said it was an insult," the Doctor replied.

"Is he really that different when he changes?" Amy asked with concern. "Is he really a whole new person?"

"Well... he's different, but no. He-"

"He's still standing right here," the Doctor cut in. "And he's having a hard time concentrating with people talking around him in the way that they are. Now where could it possibly be?"

"If you told us what you were looking for, we might be able to help," River suggested. Rose moved toward the center of the room and finally spotted River at a seat near the center console.

"Rose's room. It's got to be stored in the Holding Ring somewhere but I just don't see it. It'd be easier if it were alphabetical, but-"

"Rose's room isn't in the Holding Ring, sweetie."

"What do you mean?" the Doctor asked in surprise.

"The TARDIS has already restored the room on her own. It's directly across the hall from yours." River's tone was matter-of-fact, but the set of her lips and a glint in her eyes would tell anyone that dared to observe that she was not comfortable with the new arrangement.

"Oh, wonderful. Perfect. But wait..." The Doctor looked between River, Amy, and Rory with an accusing question stitched in his brow. "You...?"

"Yes, we peeked," Amy declared. "And I'm not ashamed."

"I am," Rory said quietly. "Sorry."

Rose touched the Doctor's arm, cutting him off before he could even start. "It's okay, Doctor. I would have done the same. When you don't give people answers, they go looking for them."

"So it would seem. More respect though, if you will. Rose is going to be sticking around. Full-time traveler again," the Doctor smiled brightly.

"Really?" Rory asked. "So nothing is wrong? No one's chasing her? We don't have to chase anyone?"

"No, Rory, we're going ice skating, if that's okay with you." The Doctor rolled his eyes then smiled back at Rose. "Let's go find your room."

The Doctor led the way up the stairs and down the hall, all while cradling Rose's backpack against his front.

"Oh god, it still says 'Bad Wolf' on the outside door!" Rose said excitedly.

"Just what is 'Bad Wolf'?" River asked. "I've seen those words before."

"It was a message. A warning that kept popping up," the Doctor explained vaguely. "I wrote it on her door as a joke. I wanted to be the one to write it. Just once."

Rose took a breath and pushed the door open. Her breath caught and she looked around with her mouth agape. It was exactly as she had left it back in 2007. They were just going to pop home to see her mum and run off just as fast, but the 'ghost' in her mum's kitchen changed everything.

Untouched. Her room looked untouched since that time. Every single thing was exactly where she had left it. There were dirty clothes on the floor, a clean outfit laid out on her hastily made bed, cupboard door still open, makeup still on the vanity.

"It's the same," Rose breathed quietly, with tears stinging her eyes. "Like only hours ago... Look!" She raced over to bedside table. "The fairy cake. The fairy cake from the 2012 Olympics with the little edible ball-bearings you were raving about. I said I'd save it for later and it's still here."

"I wouldn't eat that," the Doctor warned. "It's probably fine, but-"

"I'm not going to eat it, I just can't believe that it's exactly as it was. I-I... At the time, I never imagined I'd leave. Then for ages, I believed I'd never see it again. And now here it is. Exact. Exact in every way."

"No, no more tears, remember. Tears are done. Everyone out so Rose can get dressed," the Doctor ordered. "We'll meet you back in the console room in a few. Tear-free."

"Where are you going?" River asked the Doctor, following him down one of the corridors. "What is that in your arms?"

"It's Rose's bag. I'm taking care of it for now," he answered. "Oh, and I know how she broke through the TARDIS. She didn't."

"Sorry?" River asked irritably.

"The TARDIS actually locked onto her and pulled her through the vortex and through the walls, down to the old control room. It's why the walls were thin. It was cushioning her through each floor. It's how she wasn't injured."

"But how? How did the TARDIS lock onto her? Why?"

"Rose, like you, has a very unique relationship with the TARDIS," the Doctor explained. "There's something in her loyalty, purity, and passion that the old girl admires."

"And you?" River asked in a cold tone.

"And... what?"

"You seem to admire her quite a bit too." River's lips were pursed in barely contained anger. "Who is she, Doctor?"

"I told you, she-"

"She's Rose Tyler, a dear friend, yes. But _how dear_ , Doctor?" River demanded.

"Very dear," the Doctor answered quietly. "Now, if you'll excus-"

"No. You still haven't answered me. I can see it, Doctor. She's not just another companion. How dear? Who is she to you?" River pleaded with him.

The Doctor stopped his trek and met River's eyes for a moment before looking at the floor in contemplation. "I thought I was never going to see her again. When you really believe something like that, it changes things... I don't know, River. I know what you're asking and I can't answer it because I really don't know. She's very dear to me."

"You did once though, didn't you? You loved her and might now?"

The Doctor sighed and cupped River's cheek. "Whatever I feel or don't feel for her has no bearing on what I feel for you. You know that. I'm sorry if that's not what you want me to say, but it's all that I can offer. You know what you mean to me."

"She's a child," River protested.

"She's a woman, not a child."

"Barely a woman. How old was she when you met her? How can you-?"

The Doctor placed his thumb over her lips to silence her and tears of passion gathered in River's eyes as she worked hard to restrain herself. "If you calculate maturity by years, you're all children compared to me," the Doctor whispered. "I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want. You know I care very deeply for you and I ask you to be understanding with me. And if you can't be understanding with me, at least be so with Rose."

"With Rose?" River all but barked.

"She's not done anything to you. I ask that you don't do anything to her. She's going through a really tough time right-"

"Don't do anything to her?!" River raged. "What kind of person do you think I am that you would have to ask me that? I may not be jubilant when speaking to her and I pried when she recognized my name, but I have not been belligerent with her. I'm not going to attack or shoot her or something. Is that what you think of me?"

"No, River, you know th-"

"Did you ask her the same thing? Did you ask her to be understanding or is she just too perfect? Or- OR does she even have a clue who I am to you?!"

"River..." The Doctor gently placed Rose's bag on the floor by the wall and tenderly wrapped his arms around the weeping woman. "I didn't have to tell her who you are because she already knows."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Rose slowly took the first step down into the console room and peeked around. It was so bright and reflective, with so many colorful lights that it took Rose a second to notice that Amy and Rory were standing near the console.

"You're looking a bit overwhelmed," Amy commented.

"Very," Rose affirmed. "Front door and one main corridor in the old one. This one... Where could all of the stairs and halls possibly go?"

"The one you're coming from is more domestic- bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, infirmary. Those stairs there lead to more recreational - gardens, sports, pool, and such. Those lead up to library, study, and all things boring. And those stairs that lead down are for gadgets and geeky technical stuff the Doctor fiddles with. Oh, and of course the door."

"Domestic, fun, study, and Doctor's play place. Got it," Rose said as she nodded to each entry. "So, erm, I hear congratulations are in order. First anniversary?"

"Yes," Rory beamed. "Well, officially. Traveling with the Doctor, you can be gone for weeks and end up home the next day."

"Still, congratulations."

"Thank you," Rory replied.

"Yeah. Thanks. You know, I'm sorry to be so nosy, but I really am," Amy spoke quickly, clearly expecting the Doctor to walk in and stop her any moment.  "How old are you? You don't look any older than me, but you act like you've traveled with him for ages. What was he like? You knew a few incarnations, didn't you?"

"Oh..." Rose blinked as she considered the questions. "Uh, well, I'm... twenty-...four-ish? Like you said, time passes differently for travelers. How long I traveled with him? Er... not as long as you think. He regenerated only a year or so after I met him. And, well, I suppose he's like what he's always like..."

"But you said that he-"

"Talking about me again? If it's nice stuff let me be present so I can blush in the right places." The Doctor smirked as he entered the room. "Looks like everyone's ready to go, so let's get the show on the road, shall we?"

The Doctor laid his hand on the console but stopped when he caught Rose hiding a grin behind her colorful scarf. "Rose Tyler, are you laughing at me?"

Rose pinched her lips together and schooled her features into a look of innocence. "No, I'm not."

"Yes. Yes, you are. Why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not, I swear. Well... maybe a little. It's just funny getting used to a new you... again," she admitted with a blush.

"Wait, you mean this is your first time meeting this Doctor?" Amy asked incredulously.

"Yes, it is," the Doctor answered. "And now that we've brought it up, you haven't said a thing about how I look except that I look younger. I think I deserve a better appraisal. What do you think of the new look?"

"Y-you want me to judge you?" Rose asked uncertainly.

"Yes. First impression. Tell me what you think." The Doctor spread his arms so she could have a proper look.

"Well... I don't know. You look good. You look fine," Rose shrugged.

"Good? Fine? What kind of answers are those?" the Doctor asked moodily.

"What do you want her to say? You look like a cuckoo professor," Amy snickered.

"Professor! Exactly. It might be the first time I'm meeting you as the Doctor, but it's definitely not the first time I've seen this you, is it?" A haughty smile pulled at Rose's mouth. "Did you think I wouldn't have figured it out? Dr. John Smith, emergency geography tutor?"

Rose sauntered over to him playfully. "Emergency geography tutor? No charge? Sent by some absolutely ridiculous sounding organization? I'm still floored that mum let you in."

"Well, my credentials were signed by the queen. Or, that's what your mum said. It was her mind that cooked it up, not mine. And in her defense, anyone who'd seen your test scores would give just about anything a try."

"Ouch," she chuckled.

"Well, it's true. Before I'd got to you, you mixed up Russia and China on the maps."

"Good explanation for that - I didn't care. I was a dumb teen raised on the council estates - never left London - and I thought my future looked pretty clear. Shop assistant. Forever. 'Til the day I died. Why would a shop girl need to know the location of China, let alone the Yangtze River?"

"Exactly why I needed to swoop in. If I was going to snatch you out of London to show you the universe, I thought you should at least know your own planet," the Doctor smiled warmly.

"And thanks to Dr. John Smith and five afternoons of intense revision, I got top marks in my class. Ms. Fishel was so blown away that she accused me of cheating and made me take it again under the scrutiny of the head teacher."

"I made a pretty good tutor, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

"You said my bowtie was cool." The Doctor was beaming as he said it.

"Oh, tell me you didn't," Amy moaned.

"My personal tutor, sent by the bloody queen, asks me 'Does my bowtie look cool?' what am I supposed to say?" Rose said in her defense.

"You mean you don't think it's cool?" The Doctor's reaction was absolutely pitiful. His smile slid away to uncertainty and his eyes looked vulnerable.

"I didn't say that either," Rose protested. She tipped her head to the side as she considered the precisely tied, maroon bowtie and the man it adorned. With a warm expression, she reached out and adjusted it just slightly. "In general, I don't think I could say that bowties are cool, but on you... It suits you. Makes you look adorable and dignified and slightly off-kilter... It's you and that's what makes it cool."

The Doctor's smile was back and his eyes shined in appreciation. "And my face? My hair?"

"What about it?" Rose laughed again. "It's not like this body of yours is new. It's just new to me."

"Exactly. You saw the last two of me. My ninth got teased all the time about his ears and nose. The next one, well, that was seemed well received except for the lack of manners... How 'bout this one? I tried to work the hair in the same way, but it just doesn't work. It goes all floppy. Is it too long, do you think?" he ran his fingers through his hair and it flopped back over his right eye.

"You're really fishing for compliments, aren't you? I hope I get some in return," Rose smirked. "You look good. The hair works. Facial features are handsome. I don't know why you're so self-conscious. Is that just part of this personality?"

"Only today. Nostalgia can do that to a person," the Doctor assured her. "Speaking of nostalgia - look at you! Cardiff 2006, right down to the braided pigtails!" The Doctor took a small step back to look at her properly and gave one pigtail a little tug.

Rose's smile fell to open-mouth astonishment. "You remember the exact day that I wore this?"

"Of course. Bad Wolf, Slitheen, and you made me tolerate Mickey the Idiot and Captain I'll-kiss-anything-with-legs."

Rose burst out in unexpected laughter. "Looks like your manners really have changed some if you're calling him 'Captain I'll- _kiss_ -anything-with-legs'. But back to the point, I meant that I couldn't believe that you remembered my outfit. I only know because I just saw the photo of the four of us."

"Your throat was in the clutch of a Slitheen and I was told to choose between you and the planet. What you looked like then and there is an image forever burned in my brain... But!" The Doctor's quiet answer leapt back to excitement, "we've plenty of time to reminisce later. You're distracting me, Rose Tyler."

"Me? You're the one..." Rose grimaced and looked at the others. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're all gonna hate me if we keep this up. I'm just gonna..." Rose quietly moved away from the console and sat toward the bottom of one of the staircases. Not hidden away, but out of the spotlight.

"No, don't worry about it. We're used to him speaking too fast for us to keep up," Rory assured her. "If anything, you've spiced up what could have been a dull technical explanation."

Rose smiled kindly at Rory, trying her best to look comforted while her stomach churned angrily. She didn't dare look at River Song. She could feel the woman's eyes on her and feel the emotions radiating across the room. She'd warned herself to tread carefully, but she hadn't at all.

 

* * *

 

Rose stared down at the sleek mirror-like ice beneath her feet and was hypnotized by the way the toes of her skates moved in and out of view in her languid strides as she made wide laps around the far edge of the busy crowded center. Blocking out the noise of joyous whoops and laughter, she felt she had found a peaceful solitude.

The Doctor had feared her isolating herself and included her in the fun. Amy had challenged "her boys" to a race and, at the last moment, caught eyes with Rose and jerked her head in invitation. The boys didn't stand a chance, but Amy and Rose were pleased to find competition in one another. Their tie could easily have become an argument and an act of forcing judges to take their sides, but the sight of the Doctor wiping himself off after falling on his backside drove them both into fits of giggles.

Rose tried to escape again, but the Doctor quickly took her hand and called River and Mrs. and Mr. Pond to play crack the whip. River politely declined and when the spinning stopped, Rose quietly skated off again. The Doctor obviously didn't see that he was doing the exact opposite of what he should.

Rose's solitude, though peaceful and pleasant, still carried a lonely sorrow. It was not unbearable for she was quite content, but it was an underlying, ever-present ache. She missed him. She missed her Doctor. Her eyes moved from the shine of the ice to the sparkle of stars above her head. So many stars, all the same as the ones she saw from home, only a different vantage point, and of course, her own sun looked so very much smaller from here than home. She could find it though. The Doctor had shown her long ago where she could find her home star - her Doctor _and_ the new one, for they were the same person back then.

She loved the stars. The beauty and wonder of them never wore in the least. She loved the stars and so did he. Her Doctor. Both of them. Tears prickled in her eyes and stole her breath as she slowed her pace even more. They had stargazed nearly every night, sometimes in silence and other times reminiscing. Her favorite times were when they took their rowboat far out in the water and laid down, pillow, blanket, and all tucked into their tiny boat and just stared up at the heavens. Even without the TARDIS, the two of them sailed among the stars. So many precious moments spread across so many wonderful years and now she was staring at the stars without him. Not just staring, but traveling. He'd be so happy for her, but it ached that he wasn't with her.

"Rose Tyler..." the Doctor sung as he skated up behind her. "Guess what I've got."

Rose twirled to see him, but he followed her, remaining behind her. "Go on, guess."

Rose sighed with a smile. "Please tell me that you're not trying with the ear muffs again. I don't want them."

"No, although I still worry you'll catch cold if you don't get them on soon. Now guess again. And quickly, if you will, or they'll get cold."

"What?" she laughed.

"Yes, you've always been terrible at that game. Here you go," he said as he twirled in front of her. "Chips."

Rose covered her face with her hands and laughed when she saw the paper bag with the steam pouring out the top. "Chips? Where on Kur-Ha could you possibly get chips?"

"The TARDIS, of course." He grinned, but it fell a little despite his efforts to keep it in place. He wasn't sure what else to say so he brightened his grin again and skated off. Rose's eyes sought River and found the woman exiting the ice rink. The last Rose had looked, which she admitted was awhile back, the Doctor had been skating with River, even doing figure skating style turns with his hands above his head. But of course, he left her side in attempt to cheer Rose.

Couldn't he see what he was doing?

Rose sighed and let her skates carry her to the edge of frozen lake. Careful not to upset her balance, she walked upon her skates toward the snack pavilion and the wild-haired woman that sat alone at one of the tables.

"Mind if I sit?" Rose requested softly.

River's eyes blazed with emotion, bitterness and pain burning in the forefront, but she clenched her jaw and took a deep slow breath, pulling herself together before nodding.

"Like some chips?" Rose offered tentatively.

"The Doctor got them special for you," River stated curtly, trying with great effort to suppress everything that wanted to burst out.

"He's trying to cheer me up. That's all," Rose declared soberly. "He thinks, 'Rose is sad. Rose likes chips.' It's quite embarrassing really - the belief that greasy fried potatoes take me to a happy place."

River's grey eyes lifted from the table to stare directly at the young blonde across from her, scrutinizing every bit of her. What was it that made this common girl so special?

"I know what you are to him," Rose said quietly. Her brown eyes met River's grey and she tried to express her sincerity through that connection. "I have no intention of changing that. I didn't mean to upset things. I can only imagine how insecure you must feel right now with the attention he's giving me, but he's only trying to cheer me."

River's lips pursed from closing them so tightly against the many things she wanted to say. She let the only innocent thing she could manage burst free. "Who are you? Why are you here?"

The quiver in River's voice made Rose frown sympathetically. Her eyes fell away and she breathed deeply as she tried to find the best answer to give.

"The Doctor and I were close," she said slowly. "Best friends. Greater than best friends, yet never more than friends. We got separated quite suddenly and I couldn't get back. I knew what I was doing, knew the risk I was taking, but he still blames himself.

"The reason I'm here... I didn't have anywhere else to go." Rose smiled ruefully and continued as emotionally detached as she could, "I lost my home, my mum, my dad... and my husband. Only ten days ago, I lost my husband. My husband of thirty-three years. I'm not looking for a relationship, just a friend."

Rose forced her strained smile even larger as she closed her eyes, effectively keeping the tears from returning. Upon opening her eyes, a small chuckle issued forth at the puzzled and skeptical look on River's face.

"Look pretty good for my age, yeah? Fifty-eight years old. You know, most people think it'd be a dream to be eternally twenty, but they have no idea..." Rose lamented. "You though... I think you have some idea about not aging, don't you?"

"What do you know about me? The Doctor said he didn't have to tell you, so how do you know me?" River looked a storm of confusion and insecurity.

"Ah, now we get to the really complex stuff..." Rose sighed again and pondered the best explanation. "Truthfully, I know very little about you. This Doctor hasn't told me about you, but... my Doctor did. See... I made it back to the Doctor. The stars were going out and the Earth was stolen away to the Medusa Cascade along with a couple dozen other planets. I knew we needed the Doctor and I found him, and with the help of many, he saved the day. In the chaos though, he cheated regeneration and it created a sort of Meta-Crisis Clone of him. God, I hate calling him that because he _was_ the Doctor. Part Time Lord, part human, but absolutely the Doctor.

"I traveled all that way, worked so hard to get back to the Doctor and the arsehole dropped me back in Pete's World with his clone. I hated him for it. He thought it was a gift, giving me a version of him that could actually love me back and grow old with me, but I felt like he was marooning me there with the responsibility to look after a clone that he couldn't very well keep in his own universe. It wasn't long before I realized it was really him. The 'clone' had all the memories and was the same in all respects except that the human part meant that he would die some day. That's my Doctor. I loved him, but then, who doesn't love the Doctor?

"My Doctor. It was my Doctor that told me about you. He met you once between the time he lost me and the time I found him. He said you're an archeologist, told me what you looked like, and explained that the two of you move in opposite directions, always meeting out of order - backward even. You seemed to know everything about him and it scared the hell outta him." Rose laughed a good genuine laugh at that. "He didn't know why he should trust you and you whispered his name in his ear. I know what that means."

"Because you know it, too," River stated evenly. She was overwhelmed by the information and unsure how to respond. "You married the human Doctor and so you know his name. Doesn't it bother you then that I do?"

"No," Rose answered honestly. "Does it bother you that I know?"

"Frankly, I..." River paused and heaved a heavy sigh. "...I don't know."

"When I planned on coming back this time, I expected you to be here," Rose explained. "Of course, at first mention it stung to think of the Doctor with someone that wasn't me, but I realized how foolish that was. He intended me to love the man he left me with and I did with all of my heart. He was devastated to drop me off there. I knew it. He was an arse and I'll never think otherwise, but I knew he hurt because of it. I didn't want him to feel that. He's had so much pain and loss in his life that when I thought of this cheeky, firecracker woman to keep him in line and keep him smiling... I was grateful - _am_ grateful - that he has you."

"Oh God, you're so selfless, it's sick." River sat back in her chair with a huff.

"Sorry?" Rose said in shock.

"No wonder he likes you. You're so selfless-"

"Hold it there; I'm far from. I nearly destroyed two universes to get back to him the first time. I had the excuse that I was trying to save the universe, but I might of done either way."

"Regardless," River muttered in defeat, "if you can be like that, I suppose that I can, too."

"What do you mean?"

River's gaze dropped to the table and she stamped down her emotions as best she could. Her voice was still strained as she spoke. "I'm not going to be with him much longer... It's so wonderful, each moment I have with him, but it's so bittersweet. Our relationship is nothing but a tragedy. Think it through. Our times cross in reverse. When I met him, he knew everything about me and now... The longer I know him, the more in love I get and each time, he knows me less and less. The familiarity is leaving. He becomes more and more wary of me and I have to keep more and more secrets. This - _today_ \- is one of the very few times that we both know each other. The time before this, the Byzantium crashed and we were working together and every time I got near him he would sidle away a bit. It was the first time Amy met me. I'm running out of time with him. I'm always terrified that the next time I see him... I'm really getting close to the time you mentioned, the time where he doesn't recognize me at all anymore.

"When that day comes, I fear it will destroy me. Emotionally, most definitely, but possibly physically too. I have no idea what happens. What happens that makes it all stop?" Tears were trailing slowly down River's face and Rose rushed to hand her napkins, her heart breaking because she knew. The Doctor had told her about what happened to River Song at the Library. She knew that it would happen one day, but she never imagined so soon. She had never understood the heartache until now and she hadn't a thing to say to comfort her.

"So, if you can be grateful that he had someone to make him happy while you were gone, then I'll do the same. Keep him smiling."

Rose stood from her seat and pulled River into a hug, the two of them crying together for their losses and River's loss to come. The absurdity of the clinging to a stranger that might even be considered a rival did not escape them, but they took comfort in one another nonetheless. For who could possibly understand better?

River stiffened suddenly, Rose turned to see what had alarmed her, and they were caught in a three-way stare of shock. The Doctor's mouth was parted slightly in stunned stupor and his brow was wrinkled with uncertainty and fear.

"Hi... erm, I was just..." The Doctor pointed at two sets of ear muffs clutched in his left hand as his eyes darted from one tear-stained face to the other. "But never mind... no, not never mind, uh... here."

The Doctor leaned forward hesitantly, placed the ear muffs on the table, and hastily pulled his arm back. "Yes, so," he said anxiously as he began backing away slowly, "If you want, er... whenever you'd like to go, I'm sure Amy and Rory wouldn't mind. I'm just gonna go-"

"We're okay Doctor," River answered. "I think we're both ready to go."

"Okay. Good. Right. Very well." The Doctor rung his hands as he continued his retreat. "You ladies head to the TARDIS and I'll collect the Ponds."

River and Rose, still quite stunned, looked at one another and couldn't help but laugh at the Doctor's discomfort.

 

* * *

 

"So, Amy and Rory are home safe and sound, an unusual but pleasant occurrence. Where are we off to now?" the Doctor asked as he stepped back up to the console. His voice was light, but his smile was weak. 

"Well, Stormcage will be expecting me back at some point..." River said quietly.

"They always do, but... but I thought we had planned that you would stay for... but, i-if you want to..."

"I just thought that..."

"Oh, you two are being ridiculous." Rose shook her head. "I know this is about me. You're not changing your plans. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find my favorite old jimjams and see if I can't find the kitchen. Goodnight."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there is a lot of Doctor/River, but it's still primarily and in the end Doctor/Rose.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor and Rose climbed to their feet and simultaneously brushed the dry rust colored soil from their hands and the knees of their trousers. Rose had changed into her pajamas only a couple hours before and would have to change them again before bed. A shower would be in order before that to remove the dirt from her fingernails and her bare feet. The Doctor had suggested shoes, but she enjoyed the feeling of the warm ground beneath her.

"A baby TARDIS planted in the last soil of Gallifrey. I can't decide if it's heartbreaking or beautiful," she said quietly as she stared at the second sun falling beneath the horizon. The lighting and walls were simulations of the TARDIS's creation, but the field, the soil, and the plant life were real and so very ancient.

"Both," the Doctor replied. "Heartbreakingly beautiful."

With a sigh, he sat back on the ground and leaned back on his elbows. Rose joined him, laying down fully with her hands beneath her head. The ground and golden grass were so warm and comforting. The Doctor once told her the climate was much like the Serengeti all year round, but the air was not stifling in the least.

"You know, when you told me that TARDISs were grown, I always imagined in a lab or in the ocean," Rose admitted. "I never imagined they'd be planted like, well, plants."

"They are coral-like, so it's an understandable assumption. Soil, however, holds history and ancient minerals that tell so many stories. This TARDIS has grown with the histories of Earth and will now grow with the history of Gallifrey."

"It's incredible, this place. She'll grow well here, won't she?"

"Oh, she'll thrive, Rose," the Doctor said passionately. "With the nurturing care of her sister around her and our devotion, she'll grow beautifully. And with the capabilities here, we'll be able to harmonize at the frequency that Donna mentioned and I'd estimate that she could be full grown in just five years. With the right dedication on our part, I'd say we could have her equipped and ready for flight in as little as seven years."

"It's so exciting to imagine, but... what will we do with her?"

"Oh, that's entirely up to you, Rose. This TARDIS is completely yours. She's connected with you already," the Doctor beamed.

"But... I don't want to leave _this_ TARDIS. I want to stay with you," Rose replied anxiously.

"Oh, you can. You will as long as you'd like. We'll just have to use your TARDIS too or she'll get restless. We could take turns. My TARDIS could rest in your TARDIS whenever we use yours. Or! In those dangerous scenarios we often find ourselves in, it might be a good idea to take them to the same destination separately," he suggested with a smile. "Or! We could race them! I love winning in competitions."

"Oh! We could do galactic scavenger hunts!" Rose nearly squealed with excitement at the idea.

"Oh, Rose Tyler, you're brilliant! How much fun that will be! Of course, I'll beat you in that, too."

"You're so full of yourself. You love to brag, but conveniently forget all the times your landing is far from the original destination," she ribbed.

The Doctor ignored her statement with a smile. He was too happy to have her there with him to even pretend to be indignant. Slowly, however, the smile began to fade.

"I'm so glad you're here with me, Rose. I need you here as much as I ever have."

Rose heard the sadness in his voice and her heart sank along with his. "It's River, isn't it? She's going to the Library soon."

The Doctor turned his head away. It was difficult to think on, let alone speak about.

"I know you better than anyone, Doctor. Don't hide away from me. Tell me."

"This is our last trip together," the Doctor admitted. "Tomorrow, I say my goodbye and I have to do it without using those words. I have to say goodbye without saying goodbye and I fear it will break my hearts. I've failed her."

"I'm sorry. So sorry." Rose reached down and took his hand in hers. He laid back and stared up at the fake starry sky above them.

"I tried. I tried so hard to come up with a way to save her, to change things, but there's nothing."

Rose could see and hear his pain. His hearts were already breaking. They had been for a long time.

"I can feel your unspoken question. I'd love to keep her with me, to keep running on adventures without stop, but it just can't be like that. I always have to take her back. That's how it has to be."

"My Doctor never knew and we've always wondered: how is it that your timelines go in reverse?"

"Stormcage," he answered quietly.

"Stormcage? River said they were waiting for her. What are they?"

"Stormcage Containment Facility. It's a prison run by the Time Agency and somehow its time runs in reverse. In the 52nd century, she was sentenced to twelve thousand consecutive life sentences. She's been living them in reverse, her present day getting ever closer to the 51st century. I've managed to catch her in the correct order a few times, but it was difficult. It took research and planning to work out this trip. She just got back from the second time I met her. I now need to give her a sonic screwdriver so that she can go to the Library. It's the only way I know to save her. It's not good enough, but it's all I have."

"I'm sorry," Rose repeated. There were so many questions she had, but she dared not ask. "She's happy though. She knows something is coming but, as she tells you in the Library, she wouldn't change a thing."

"You don't understand though. It's my fault. It's all my fault." The Doctor took a deep breath and let the story fall. He told her everything - about their meetings, River's birth, the Silence, Amy and Rory, how he himself was murdered, yet not. "Her whole life, all of our meetings... She's a living paradox. They only way to make it work, to keep the paradox from ripping the world apart, is to complete the time loop just as it started. A predestination paradox with dozens of ontological paradoxes working inside it. If the circle of events is not closed, then it all falls apart. River saves me in the Library. She saved her parents several times. If those events don't or didn't happen, then all of the things that led to her birth would not have happened. It's a tragedy from beginning to end and back to the beginning."

"With so many beautiful moments in the middle," Rose reminded him. "Beautiful moments don’t always soften the tragedies of life, but bad times don’t always spoil the good times. Never forget the good times, Doctor. Make them bigger than the bad ones."

The Doctor turned his head to stare at her. Her Doctor must have told her that because he was sure he didn't, but he said something incredibly similar to Amy once upon a time. Her Doctor really was him in so many ways. He often thought of the other Doctor as his way to spend the rest of his life with her, but it didn’t make him miss her any less.

"I don't know how I've ever survived this long without you."

Rose squeezed his hand tighter. "You don't have to now. You're stuck with me again."

 

* * *

 

"You look beautiful, River," the Doctor said endearingly as he looked over her elegant gown.

"Do I?" She smiled flirtatiously.

"Yes."

"Tell me more."

"You're incorrigible," he chuckled, "and gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous."

River's eyes shined as he attempted to push a few stray curls behind her ear. "Not bad yourself, handsome. So what's with the tuxedo and top hat?"

"Darillium," he answered. "I promised to take you and tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and the singing towers."

"Just the two of us?" River asked, looking at the empty hallway that led to the bedroom where Rose was tucked away.

"Just the two of us."

The night was magical in its perfection. It was a night without flaw. The smiles and laughter were unstoppable, but so was the heaviness that each of them hid from the other. With her arm hooked through his, the Doctor led River from the dance floor to the balcony outside. The night was quiet and the stars bright as they looked upon the glowing towers in the distance. Two towers as tall as skyscrapers - natural land formations of multicolored rock that were carved out into gleaming, decorative spirals. The gentle wind blew over them and through them and created a golden sound, a moving song that spoke to the soul - sad, joyful, and hauntingly beautiful.

"It's breathtaking," River said quietly. "Thank you for this."

The Doctor slipped his hands into his pockets and looked up at the stars with sadness in his eyes. "I would give you the universe if I could."

"You silly man," River grinned, "you already have."

"More, then."

"You have. Doctor, I know what this evening is."

The Doctor looked at her with surprise and guilt.

"I'm a smart woman. Each time we meet, you know me less and less. Very soon you won't know me at all. This... I thank you for this chance to see you again while you still know me. I thought I had already received my last kiss from you. This night gives me another proper kiss, a proper dance, and loads of reminiscing. Thank you."

"I don't want this to end," the Doctor frowned.

"But it has to, doesn't it?" River smiled ruefully. "We always knew it would."

"I'm sorry, River."

"No, don't be sorry for any of it. You gave me the world. I cherish each moment we've had - every single one. We're legendary, the pair of us. I have no regrets for any of my time with you." She placed her hand on his cheek and stared into his eyes in earnest. "Do you?"

"I am a man of many regrets, River, but not a single one is for the time we've shared." The Doctor placed his hand over hers and pulled her palm to his lips to place a delicate kiss upon it.

"Doctor..." River said hesitantly, "I know that you love her."

The Doctor's smile fell. "River... tonight is about us. R-"

"There's not going to be any other time to talk about it," she reminded him. "You love her, Doctor. Deeply. You can't deny it now."

"My feelings for Rose have nothing to do with my feelings for you. I thought-"

"I know," she interrupted. "That's what I'm trying to say. I never thought that a man could truly love two women... well, at least not without choosing. But you won't have to. This is going to be a new chapter for you and I'm glad you'll have someone to love. Not that you ever stopped...

"You know, so many people in the universe walk around with halfhearted smiles, but you more than anyone... As long as I've known you, I've thought that you only seem to smile with one of your hearts. You only laugh or love with one of your hearts. It was painful because I believed that it was because one heart was simply broken, broken by all the pain and loss that you suffered in your many years. I see now that it was because one heart always and forever belongs to Rose. As much as it pains me that it was never mine, I'm glad to see that the damage to that heart was not irreparable. Yesterday, I got to see you smile a real smile."

"That's not fair, River." The Doctor ached with guilt.

"No regrets, Doctor. No guilt," she insisted. "Not for love. Never for love."

"It's not fair," he repeated.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you: it is. You gave me the world and a life worth living. It's onto a new chapter for you, onto a chapter without me. It hurts to know this is the end and it hurts not knowing what's coming next for me, but I'm glad to know that you won't be alone. I'm glad to know that you will still be able to smile."

"I'm going to miss you." The Doctor swallowed hard and tears began to prick his eyes. "I care for you deeply. Tell me you know that."

"I do. You've loved me well. Say though words though, Doctor. You've never said the words. Just this once. Just one time."

The Doctor paused and closed his eyes, allowing the tears to escape and slide slowly down his cheeks. "I love you."

River smiled a heartbreaking smile and cupped his face with both hands, gently wiping his tears away with her thumbs before placing a tender kiss upon his lips. "Which is more than any girl could dare to dream of. Keep loving. Keep living. Just... please don't forget me, Doctor."

"Never," he answered fervently. "You are absolutely unforgettable, River Song."

"Thank you."

"Never thank me. I don't deserve it."

"Thank you," she repeated firmly.

"Take this," the Doctor said quietly as he placed his sonic screwdriver in her hand and closed her fingers around it, "and remember me as fondly as you can."

"With love greater than the universe has ever known."

The Doctor wrapped her tightly in his arms and placed as kiss upon her head. His voice was no more than a strained whisper as he uttered the word "goodbye."

 

* * *

 

The Doctor's eyes were downcast as he tossed his top hat over the railing in the console room. His bowtie followed after it, but his tuxedo jacket, he draped over the rail. His eyes were dry but his hearts wept. River was gone.

His first thought was to seek comfort in the solitude of his bedroom, but Rose's face came to mind and his weary feet carried him directly to her room. The door was open and therefore the Doctor was not surprised to find it empty. She rarely spent time in her room, often entertaining herself in some of the many rooms aboard the TARDIS. Still, he had no doubt where'd he'd find her this evening - her television room. Yes, _her_ television room.

Just as the TARDIS furnished personal bedrooms, she also created personal rooms of entertainment, priding herself on her ability to cater to the tastes of the different travelers she housed. Amy's television room, for example, had a large cinema screen with large comfy bean bag chairs in vivid colors. Though Rose could appreciate it, her room was much more... domestic. In fact, after the Doctor had teased her about it, she began referring to it as her domestic sanctuary. It was quite simple, fitting Rose's personality well. The telly was high tech from the 2340s but with a retro look, meaning it was 21st century in style, appearing as though it had come from only a couple decades ahead her personal time. The furniture consisted of a large L-shaped sofa that nestled into the corner, a coffee table, and a side table with a small lamp. The room was rather small - smaller than her bedroom - and very dim with only the one lamp for light. It was cozy and it was home to her. And she, his domestic Rose, was home to him.

The Doctor slowly peered around the doorframe and found her just as he'd pictured. Rose was snuggled up in the corner of the couch in a pair of jersey cotton pajamas with an open book in her hands. She wore no make-up and her hair was up in a sloppy bun and she was as beautiful as ever. Her eyes lifted from the page and landed directly on him.

"Hey," she greeted quietly.

The Doctor forced a tight, pitiful smile.

"Are you alright?" The words were unnecessary for she had known this was coming. Her question was an offer; she was there to listen.

He made no effort to hide it from her, just as she had asked of him the night before. His expression was as much a grimace as it was a frown and the shake of his head, though slight, looked like it took effort. He wasn't used to opening up to people, but he knew that he needed to with Rose. He needed her just as she needed him.

Rose folded her book and placed it on the table next to a tea tray set for two. She was expecting him. "Come sit with me?"

The couch was large enough that he could have choosen a length on either side of her with plenty of room to stretch out his legs, but he didn't hesitate to sit directly beside her with their arms close enough to touch.

"She's gone. River's gone," the Doctor whispered.

"I'm sorry." Rose gently rubbed his forearm in comfort.

"I failed her." The Doctor's voice cracked. "I had so many years but it simply wasn't enough."

"It never is."

"No, I mean I had so many years to find a solution - a way to save her - and I couldn't."

"You're genius, it's true, but even you can't be expected to solve everything. You said yourself that it couldn't be done without the time loop collapsing. I'm very sorry, Doctor, so sorry, but you can't blame yourself."

"I can," he quietly disagreed. "She dies because of me."

"No. Don't dishonor her like that. She sacrificed herself to save hundreds of people. It was her choice, not yours," Rose reminded him. "If you take the blame, you victimize her instead of appreciating her act of heroism."

"She just deserved so much better... I never loved her as much as I should have and worse... she knew it." It was the hardest confession he'd made in such a long time. It was something he never thought he'd be able to speak. "The first time I met her, I realized that I would marry her and I waited for her to prove herself. I waited for something that would make me fall in love with her. I just couldn't trust her. Then I discovered who she was and what she suffered because of me. I owed it to her. She lived such a terrible, loveless life and she needed me, but how could I fall in love with her when I knew exactly how it would end? I never loved her like I should have."

"No, you loved her well, Doctor," Rose disagreed. "Love isn't just what you feel. Sometimes love feels like a whirlwind that sweeps you away, but there's also love that comes quietly. Love doesn't have to be loud and passionate to be deep. Us, for example: I could never decide when I fell in love with you, but it was undeniable. We never exchanged words of it or kisses, but I loved you deeply and I never doubted that you felt the same for me.

"River means a lot to you. It's obvious. You care so much for her feelings, doing all that you can for her happiness, and there's nothing you wouldn't do for her. That's love. Don't doubt yourself or your feelings. You loved her well."

"I missed you," the Doctor confessed. "I never said the words... I had so many opportunities and then you asked... The sentence I never finished - I didn't think I could say it and then leave... but it really does need saying. I loved you, Rose, and I've never stopped. I thought it could pass with time, but I've never stopped missing you and wishing you were here with me."

Rose laid her head on his shoulder and breathed deeply. Finding it not enough, the Doctor switched places with her, placing her between his legs so that she could recline against him.

"I did love River," he continued, "but not like you... and she saw it."

Rose wasn't sure how to respond. What was a proper reply?

"Rose, I don't want you to answer now... in fact, I don't know if I ever want you to answer; I only want you to think on it... I wonder if you'll ever be able to love me again - like you once did."

"Oh, Doctor-"

"No. I said not to answer and I mean it. I'm not your Doctor, the Doctor you loved for thirty-three years. You had so much time with him and I know that you'll mourn him for a long time to come, but... perhaps one day...?"

A silent chuckle escaped her and she shook her head. "You are such a daft old man."

"I know."

"Bad Wolf."

"Sorry?" the Doctor replied in confusion.

"Bad Wolf. I don't actually remember what happened, what it felt like, but I still know her better than you do," she declared. "See, I looked into the heart of the TARDIS, but more importantly, she looked into mine and that's one thing I know well. I know what was in my heart and I know what the TARDIS saw. She saw my love for you. My heart's desire was to save you, not once, but always. Not just from death, but from all the pain and heartache you suffer. It was her wish, too, and that's why we became the Bad Wolf.

"The Bad Wolf saw all that could be and led us. She saw Dårlig Ulv-Stranden  - Bad Wolf Bay -  and named it long ago because she knew it was where I needed to be. She saw the Meta-Crisis Doctor - two Doctors - and knew that he needed me. The choice had to be made and it was made by the three of us. I loved him and I realize that you became two separate people, but you were both still the Doctor. I loved him with everything I was, but that doesn't mean that I ever forgot you.

"The Bad Wolf saw all that could be and that I was meant to be in Pete's World, but she still changed my physiology, giving me the ability to live for hundreds of years. That wasn't for the other Doctor; it was for you, because she saw my heart. She saw my love for you far into the future. She saw that I would still love you.

"I had thirty-three years with my Doctor, so much of that time just the two of us, day after day. He shared himself with me: stories of his childhood, his many adventures, and all the friends he'd met in his nine hundred years. I know you better than anyone in the universe ever has, and I love you more than ever. I love the Doctor, no matter his face. You are and always have been my Doctor and I will love you for the rest of my life."

Rose had turned her head to look at him and he turned her further to place a hungry, passionate kiss to her mouth. Rose responded in kind, but brought them down to a gentle delicate brush of lips upon lips. The Doctor's brow knit with concern. Her confession was so ardent that he had forgotten her recent loss. Perhaps he had moved too fast? But then, he had waited far too long. He didn't want to lose any more chances. He needed her to know that he was just as committed to her.

With long contented sigh, she leaned back against him, pulling his arms around her.

"The other Doctor was your husband. He told you his name. You know my name."

Rose nodded in affirmation.

The Doctor leaned down, his lips nearly touching her ear as he whispered. "Would you let me tell you also?"

Her heart raced and she could feel his beating in wildly in his chest. A commitment. A proposal.

"Yes." An emotional cross between a silent sob and a chuckle escaped her and she held back tears. Attempting to keep her voice steady, she continued, "It would mean the world to me if you did, but not just yet. We've both had recent losses. We'll mourn... We'll run and revel in excitement and adventure... And when the smiles and laughs come easily again, then. Then I would love more than anything for you to whisper your name to me."

"For now then, I'll finish my sentence properly..." The Doctor leaned in again and whispered softly into her ear. "Rose Tyler... I love you."

"I love you too, my Doctor. Forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> This is just the first story in a series. All future stories explore individual adventures of the Eleventh Doctor and Rose. Next story in line is 'Again and for the First Time.'


End file.
